Ten Bookish Questions

I stole this from Sarah who got the idea from Bookloving Writer. Feel free to steal from me. As if you needed permission😛

 

1. What book is on your nightstand now?

 

The Fireman, by Joe Hill, and Drood, by Dan Simmons. I’m also listening to The Bell Jar, by Sylvia Plath.

2. What was the last truly great book that you read?

 

Eleanor, by Jason Gurley

 3. If you could meet any writer – dead or alive – who would it be? And what would you want to know?

 

Haruki Murakami. I’d like to just sit and chat about what he thinks about the world in general.

4. What books might we be surprised to find on your shelves?

 

I have all of Lisa See’s novels, although I have never read her work. I got each of them for a quarter apiece at my local thrift store because I liked the covers.

5. How do you organize your personal library?

 

By my favorite books. The better the book, the higher on the shelf they go. I’ve tried alphabetically, but I found that my favorite books were always out of reach on the bottom shelves for some reason. So personal favorites it is. Oh, and I also separate paperback from hardcover, and then organize again by size. That might sound like a mess, but it looks really nice.

6. What book have you always meant to read and haven’t gotten around to yet? Anything you feel embarrassed never to have read?

 

1Q84, by Haruki Murakami would be the one I think I’ve put off the longest. Not because it’s a long book, but because I seem to always find something else I’m more interested in reading at that time. On topic, I’m kinda embarrassed I’ve never gotten around to reading 1984, by George Orwell. I should read these back to back… Yeah, I think I’ll do that… Soon… Okay, soonish…

7. Disappointing, overrated, just not good: what book did you feel you were supposed to like but didnt? Do you remember the last book you put down without finishing?

 

This one is definitely the easiest to answer in this entire questionnaire. Hands down, Bird Box, by Josh Malerman. I thought the novel was absolute garbage, but everyone else seems to love it. The characters were one-dimensional. The pacing was terrible. The author hid stupid crap like names of characters for no reason whatsoever. Yet several talented authors and discerning readers I know fan-flailed over it. I don’t know. I just don’t get it.

 

The last book I put down was Invisible, by James Patterson. I only made it three pages.

8. What kinds of stories are you drawn to? Any you stay clear of?

 

I like reading stories about bad people who get what they deserve. Not like Gone Girl, where nothing comes of anything, but books like Horns, by Joe Hill, and Hidden Bodies, by Caroline Kepnes. I don’t much care for good guys. My childhood was populated by loads of people who seemed terrific on the outside, but who ended up being terrible people who got away with terrible things, giving me an appreciation for books with a strong karmic theme. I’m also not a fan of happy endings in general.

9. If you could require the president to read one book, what would it be?

Because I’m American, I swapped out “prime minister” for “president”. Hope nobody minds.:)

 

I’d love to see what Barack Obama thinks about Stephen King. I think it would be a hoot to hear his thoughts on books like The Dead Zone and 11/22/63, two books that deal heavily with presidents.

10. What do you plan to read next?

 

After the three I’m reading now, I’ll be moving onto a reread/buddy read of The Funhouse, and maybe a Harlan Coben book, as I’ve heard a lot about the guy but haven’t read anything by him. I’m stoked for End of Watch, by Stephen King in June, too.

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The Naked Cook Book Review

 

The Naked Cook Book, by Tess Ward. Buy this motherfucker HERE!

I’m a foodie only in the sense that I love food and watch Food Network. To give it to you in the simplest SAT format: Foodies are to erotica what binge eaters like me are to porn. What? Fuck if I know. I think I got a 22.7 on my SATs – which equates to an O positive. I can barely pass a piss quiz without sneaking my kids’ urine into the bathroom at the pain clinic. I take so many pain meds, son, your boy pisses pills. #truefact

But I do like putting good food in my cakehole and chewing and swallowing and whatnot, so I got a cookbook from Crown Royale Publishing in exchange for the collection of words and paroxysms you are currently reading. Oh, shit! Did you see that? I used a big-as-fuck word. Yay me! [insert definition of paroxysms and don’t forget to delete this part when you add the definition and you forgot didn’t you?]. No. I didn’t forget. Stahp judging me.

par·ox·ysm
ˈperəkˌsizəm/ (looks like the word had a fucking seizure #truefact)
noun
plural noun: paroxysms
a sudden attack or violent expression of a particular emotion or activity.

This book gave me a sudden attack of hunger and I had to cuss like a motherfucker and get all emotional because I didn’t have a quarter of the goddamn shit you need to prepare the recipes in this bastard! Fuck! Anyway, I bet all this shit tastes fucking terrific. I bet I take a single bite and die from pleasure. They’ll have to mop me up to bury me.

A list of the shit I wanna try in this book includes:

Fish Stock (seriously, this book has stock recipes that gave me a boner just thinking about slurping them)
Miso Soup (because Japan)
Gluten-free chive crepes with avocado + smoked salmon (jesus christ, I just came)
Beet and Cherry smoothie (as if I didn’t have enough stained shirts)
and this shit, whatever it is…

Palm Springs commercial photography

Motherfuck! That’s some beautiful shit! That sauce is a wee bit disconcerting looking, but fuck it. I’mma try it!

In summation: If you like pictures of food and recipes you’ll never try because you’re on SNAP benefits and can’t afford anything but ramen and grocery-store brand bologna (holla if you hear me), I suggest getting this book from the library and rubbing your belly while it growls and you cry and cry and cry…

Final Judgment: I LIKE EATING!

“How strange it is. We have these deep terrible lingering fears about ourselves and the people we love. Yet we walk around, talk to people, eat and drink. We manage to function. The feelings are deep and real. Shouldn’t they paralyze us? How is it we can survive them, at least for a little while? We drive a car, we teach a class. How is it no one sees how deeply afraid we were, last night, this morning? Is it something we all hide from each other, by mutual consent? Or do we share the same secret without knowing it? Wear the same disguise?”

― Don DeLillo

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Alien: Out of the Shadows (An Audible Original Drama)

Alien: Out of the Shadows - Tim Lebbon

Note: This review is for the Audible Original Drama and not the Tim Lebbon novel by the same name, although this production is based on Lebbon’s text. 

 

Oy, this was fucking righteous. I wish more action/sci fi/horror authors went with this approach to their audiobooks. Yes, there is a need for fully-narrated, unabridged audiobooks. But some of this stuff doesn’t need it. Honestly, who’s reading Tim Lebbon for the writing? He’s an author-for-hire who does some original stuffs from time to time. I know him more from his Alien and Star Wars novels than I do any of his Leisure horror stuffs, like Berserk. I’m not knocking the guy for getting paid. Nothing wrong with cashing checks and paying your bills with words. What I’m getting at is – he’s not someone who’ll be winning prizes for his prose unless he drastically changes his writing style, and because of that, his storytelling fits this kind of audio drama.

The production quality of this piece is exceptional. It reminded me of kicking back with my grandmother and listening to her recordings of old radio productions, like Welles’s War of the Worlds, and that old radio drama The Shadow. Used to dig that shit, man. I need to see if I can find them again…

But I digress. My only complaint here is the hokey memory-wipe bullshit the author used to explain away why Ripley never mentioned this time of her life in future Alien sequels. The whole time I was listening to this, I was thinking, “He’s going to use some kind of drug to wipe her memory.” And while I wrong about the way they do it, I was not wrong that they were going to do it. A memory wipe is an overused, lazy tactic that pollutes damn near every prequel or paraquel in existence. Stop it. Please. Memory wipes went out of style with Mars-atmosphere, bugged-eyed Schwarzenegger. I know this is processed, sodium-packed canned fiction, that you’re not supposed to think while listening or reading, but the creator could have tried a little harder.

Oh, and that shit in the mines was fan-fucking-tastic. Very cool. I loved all that shit.

In summation: Action-y goodness blended with terrific production quality had me feeling like I was watching a long-lost Aliens movie in my brain parts. The lady who plays Ripley sounds just like Weaver, and Rutger Hauer does a great job as Ash. I’ll definitely be getting the sequels, when or if they do them this same way. Definitely recommended.

Final Judgment: Perfect for what it is, and it is what it is.

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