The Reapers are the Angels Review


The Reapers Are the Angels - Alden Bell

  I’ve debated back and forth on whether or not to post a review for this book because I have nothing new to add to the conversation. But that got me thinking. What is a conversation other than the sharing of opinions and ideas? So what if a book has umpteen million reviews. So what if none of my friends might be interested in it or have already read it. To even think I hold sway over what anyone else reads stinks of narcissism, and, while I am the sexiest, smartest, and most-loved reviewer on this site, I don’t have much of an ego. Egos are for authors and authors are assholes. Anyway, moving on…

Me thinks Alden Bell is a gamer. Specifically a fan of survival horror games like Resident Evil, Dead Island, and Left 4 Dead. Why? Well that would be a spoiler and I don’t do spoilers. I mean, I do, but not here. I’ll see you in the Spoiler Discussion. *smooches*

Temple was the best part of the book for me. Her nonchalant attitude toward doing what needed to be done was hella fun to read. Her calling Maury “Dummy” might upset some sensitive types, but I thought it was a perfect example of world building through character interaction, which is how world building should be done. Think about it. In a world of zomb-zombs and… and other things, political correctness would be left on the back burner or forgotten completely. Who gives a fuck about being triggered when you’re trying not to get eaten? Priorities, yo. We even get a mention of racial purity, because it wouldn’t be a book about the American southeast without a healthy dose of White Lives Matter (Most). I think the author hit the nose on the head (that’s not how that saying goes, is it?) with his depiction of a post-apocalyptic Alabama. I currently live in Bama (ROLL EAGLE!), and I must say, we’re almost there. If a certain someone wins the election in November, we’ll have to move The Reapers are the Angelsover to nonfiction.

(I love that either side can argue that I mean Clinton or Trump because both sides believe the other side’s candidate will bring on the apocalypse. This election year really does feel like we’re choosing which way we want to see America burn: hellfire or nuclear strike)

I found this book while reading an article online about the most underrated horror novels. I’d read all the others on the list and dug each of them, so I tried this one. I’m glad I did. And, no, I don’t remember where the list was posted, nor do I recall what the other books were. I know. I suck. My apologies.

In summation: This is an above-average zombie book. The writing is fantastic. But that can be a bad thing if you have a weak constitution. Because Alden Bell will make you smell and taste things you don’t want to smell and taste.

Final Judgment: Redneck zom-zoms best waifu.

Spoiler Discussion:


I liked that Temple died. I dig it when authors have the testicles or ovaries necessary to kill their leads. Rock on.

The giant rednecks were fucking rad. Right out of games like the ones I mentioned in the review. Like Brutes or Thugs. I honestly want to know if Bell is a gamer, because this entire novel felt like a literary video game.

The sex scene was a bit awkward for me to read. But only because I’m a father of a soon-to-be-teenage girl and I don’t like imagining fifteen-year-old girls riding dick. Just my personal preference.

Thanks for joining me. If you would like to join in on the Spoiler Discussion, please be polite and use spoiler tags. Danke.


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Punderdome Game Review



Five stars. Big fun.

Love this game. I have not played Cards Against Humanity so I cannot compare, but I do know that I really enjoyed this. You can keep it clean and family friendly or go balls out dirty. Your choice. As long as you can read, you can play the game. Highly recommended.
Many thanks to Crown Publishing for the opportunity to review this game, which I received in return for this review.

I’m Thinking of Ending Things Review


I'm Thinking of Ending Things - Iain Reid

Dig it:

This book is a perfect example of negative reviews selling a book. Specifically Shelbs’s and Kells’s reviews. I had to see what all the fuss was about. So, yeah, the negative reviews of this book sold me. I paid money for this book based solely on negative reviews. Some authors need to hear that. They need to let that shit sink in. Are Shelbs and Kells stupid for not getting this book? Nope. And I’ll explain why.

Iain Reid’s I’m Thinking of Ending Things is 224 pages in hardcover. The audiobook (which I suggest you listen to instead of reading the actual book) is five hours and twenty-two minutes long (5:22). If you read it at x2 speed, you can listen to it in the time it takes to watch one of The Hobbitmovies. There’s a reason this book is as short as it is. Reid wants you to read his book twice, and not necessarily in the same order in which you first read it. He’s a tricksy hobbitses, and we shall discuss more in the Spoiler Discussion.

This book is utterly fascinating, and I believe that’s why so many people are torn over it. All too often we’re lulled into a sense of normality. We think things should happen one way and we get locked into that mindset. So much so that we cannot see the forest for the trees. The frustrating part about this book is that is seems to have been written for audio. In the audiobook, when you come to the “twist”, there’s an obvious change and everything becomes clear as day. I relistened to the book right after listening to it the first time and I read an entirely different book. Simply put, this is kinda (but not really) like The Sixth Sense. Second time around, you will see .

Do I think you’re going to read this twice? No. Do I think you’re going to reread this to see if I’m right? No. But I did, and my experience was vastly improved the second time around.

In summation: Some of you like long(er) books. If you can dedicate yourself to 500 pages, there’s no reason you can’t reread this (maybe in a different order?) right after you finish it. You’ll likely see what Reid did in the first readthrough, but there’s so many goodies in the reread. Simple stuff you would never have paid attention to, like, say, a red door knob.

Final Judgment: Two experiences in one book

Spoiler Discussion: Wherein I spoil I’m Thinking of Ending Things, by Iain Reid.


Reid gives clear instructions in the very last chapter of this book. The unnamed duo who’ve been talking between the chapters are discussing the book found next to Jake’s body, and the guy tells the woman that he thinks she should read it once and then read it again, only backward. This is a pain in the ass to do in audio, but I did it. I suggest you do the same. You know, if you wanna.

Yes, Jake killed himself because he was struggling with schizophrenia, as most super-intelligent folks do. No, there never was any girlfriend. It was always him. He made up, in his mind, everything that happened after the night he met her in the bar. This book is a very sick man playing in his own head. It’s sad and disturbing and even a bit beautiful. Madness usually is.

Jake did work in a lab. He left that job to take a job as a janitor. Somewhere he could just blend in and do his own thing and, even though he was around people, he kinda wasn’t. How many of you remember your high school janitors? Did you hang out with that person or did they just kinda exist on the edge?

I understand why people didn’t like this book, but I fucking loved it. Reid made the book just short enough that you can reread it with ease right after reading it the first time. Bravo. Good on him for trying something unique with his fiction.

Lastly, in the audiobook, right at the repetitious part at the end, when he says that one line over and over again, the narrator switches from female to male. I don’t know how they pulled this off in the book, but in the audiobook it is chilling and makes the twist clear. That’s my favorite part of the book, really, but don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed the entire experience.

Thanks for joining me.


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A Head Full of Ghosts Review


A Head Full of Ghosts: A Novel - Paul Tremblay

Green vomit, violent masturbating, naughty language… Doesn’t schizophrenia Satan have any new tricks up his sleeves? Because, you know, a woman masturbating and cursing is definitely a sign of evil. How unladylike unholy!

First, I must say, I might just raise my rating of Josh Malerman’s Bird Box after reading this book. At least Malerman tried something new. On to the review…

There’s this fad going around where reboots change the endings of the source material to be the exact opposite of the source material. If the source material (in this case The Exorcist) is supernatural, the reboot will make it non-supernatural, or perhaps it will imply supernatural along with the plausible real-life scenario.

And because I’m bound to get people who say I’m hating on someone who’s been successful, let me prove my points. I give you…

Exhibit A:

Tremblay took the easy way out and rebooted The Exorcist for a modern, blogger-friendly, internet age. He does nothing new. To cover this up, he plays the meta card. “Oh, look! I reference all the shit I steal from, so it’s okay that I stole from them. Right? I’m so cute and self aware!”

Exhibit B.

In my opinion, the blogs ruined the book. Every time I started to enjoy the subtle horror, or even the overt scares, he jumped into this hipster-speak blogging bullshit that murdered all forward momentum. Then, in the end, he uses the blogger bullshit to effectively reveal that he believes all his readers are morons without any reader comprehension skills. Peep this:

You’re a grown adult with life experiences and an above average IQ (a.k.a. your average adult reader) and someone gives you a rudimentary puzzle to solve. The puzzle pieces are perfectly square and number eight. The picture is of, say, the Pokemon logo, the title image of POKEMON in that garish yellow-and-blue font. As long as you can read, you’re good. This puzzle will take an adult of average intelligence (anyone literate) about ten seconds to complete. If that. Then you notice the pieces are numbered. Top row: one through four. Bottom row: five through eight. Now you don’t even have to be able to read. All you have to do is be able to count.

THAT is THIS book. It insults your intelligence. Tremblay explains everything that happens in the final exorcism scene and then switches to these blog posts to SPELL EVERYTHING OUT FOR YOU BECAUSE HE THINKS YOU’RE:

A) Dumb

B) Illiterate

C) At the VERY least, not as clever as him.

D) All of the above.

If you picked D, you win and lose at the same time because you’re likely right.

He tries to make up for this assumption that you’re somewhere between dinosaur and caveman on the IQ scale by leaving one last hint in the final chapter. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, talk amongst yourselves.

But the implied ending makes zero sense. None. It is the literary equivalent to the ending of Paranormal Activity, when the possessed chick jumps at the camera. Or perhaps the hand reaching from the grave at the end of Carrie. Makes no sense, but it sure is spoooooooooky!

In summation: The tragedy is, had Tremblay left out the blogger sections, I would have given this three stars or above. It does have some creepy shit going on. Nothing you haven’t seen before, but it might raise the hair on your bush. Problem is, it’s not enough; nowhere near enough to excuse his attitude toward his readers, the implication that he’s writing for morons. The best piece of writing advice I ever got was this: “Always assume your readers are smarter than you, because they probably are.”

Final Judgment: Robocop (2014)

Spoiler discussion: Wherein I spoil Paul Tremblay’s A Head Full of Ghosts:



I know some of you are thinking, Marjorie wasn’t schizo. I know she wasn’t. Her father was the crazy one and blah, blah, blah. My opening comments are a riff on the reality of possession. I don’t believe in gods or┬ádevils. But I do believe in mental illness.

There will be some that say I missed the whole point of the unreliable narrator here. I fully accept that you think Merry could have made up this entire thing because she was the one that was possessed instead of Marjorie. But she couldn’t have, because of the reality show. Unless we assume that the reality show wasn’t real, and the entire book is a lie. If that’s the case, it still doesn’t work, because it takes away the horror of the novel because nothing actually happened. It was all the product of some possessed writer with nothing better to do that to write a book. No matter how you look at it, one-star. But I’m not giving up on Tremblay and here’s why:

I did like the poisoning scene at the end. Really dug how Tremblay described everyone dying. Dude is capable of great description. He simply needs to trust his readers more.

Thanks for joining me.


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Question for Librarians (You fine folks who work in brick-and-mortar libraries around the country)

How do I get my ebooks in your libraries? I can only donate so many real books due to costs, but I give you as many ebooks as you want. 


Comment below, email me at, or message me on social media. I’m some of everywhere.:)

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Live YouTube Interview with Gregor Xane on Sunday, July 17, 2016

Thanks to brand new Pokémon GO technology, I’ve captured the elusive Gregor Xane. For the first time ever, the weirdness among us will be breaking his silence and allowing himself to be interviewed live on air. 


Mark your calendars. Sunday, July 17, 2016, on YouTube, we find out what’s up with his new book, TABOOGASM, and other important questions. 


If you have anything you want me to ask of him, drop your question in the comments section.




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