Ruminating On: Pop Tarts

Ruminating On: Pop Tarts

Okay. I fully admit that I am late to the party quite often, and miss very obvious stuff on a regular basis. But I just stumbled upon the microwave instructions for Pop Tarts.

3 seconds on high, in case you’re wondering.

Now, that might not astound a great deal of you, but let me tell you why it fucked with me.

Who the hell doesn’t have two minutes and thirty-seven seconds (just toasted a Pop Tart in my toaster to test said time frame) to spare in their day? Is that what we’ve become as a society? There are those of us that can’t spare less than three minutes for a motherfucking pastry break? Are you kidding me?

Why is this even a thing? Who was sitting around Kellogg’s HQ wondering: “How THE FUCK do we please people with only a fraction of an instant left in their lives to enjoy our jelly filled wonders of modern science?”

Do yourself a favor. If you’re out there microwaving Pop Tarts…reevaluate your current situation, because you’re missing some really cool shit. Slow down.

I’m all for nixing “Stop and smell the roses”, for the more modern-friendly “Stop and TOAST your Pop Tart.”

And if you see someone microwaving a fucking Pop Tart; give’em a hug. They sure as hell need one.



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