Dichotomy

Why do you smile when I look at you? What have I done to garner such a wondrous sight? Do you not realize that I’ve failed you?

I remember when the sight of you sent me to tears. That you should return my blatant disregard for your feelings with such joyous amusement, terrifies me. What do I have if not darkness in my heart and hatred in my head? Love? Such a foolish commodity. Affection is bought and sold with gold smelt from the ore of loneliness. We give expecting to receive. I will not be your emotional pawnbroker.

Tread safely away and I will calm my deprecations. You do not want me; nor I, you. We’re only here to exist. Coexistence is not my modus operandi.

You tell me everything will be all right, but you lie. How can you know such things? How can I believe you when I do not believe in myself? How are you any different than I? That’s just it, you fool, we’re the same. Loving me would be akin to lusting after air.

I dredge up this reasoning because you seem so thoroughly pleased with everything we’ve accomplished. You seem so happy. But what is mirth but advent sadness. Glee is a chemical limbo, a way station between nirvana and suffering. You have no right to be euphoric, as I have no need for the feeling.

You’re a testament to the shortcomings of humanity. So focused on the now that you refuse to see what lays just ahead of you. There is no constant up, for everything eventually comes down. I can promise you this, though. When you finally trip and come sliding back down to where I reside, I will make sure that I say, “I told you so.”

So what right, Mirror, do you have to smile? You’re nothing more than glass, an optical illusion distorting the present, making it seem like now is now when now was actually just then. You make me sick with your pleasant eyes and your upturned mouth. You truly believe this can last? Answer me!

“Yes. Yes I do.”

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7 thoughts on “Dichotomy

  1. A wonderful piece Edward. I so admire your writing skills. You have such a clever use of language that draws the reader into your world. Dichotomy indeed. From horror to humour to this. Clever E.! 🙂

  2. I’ve read this several times, and each time the psyche’s struggle makes me shiver in discomfort. Dichotomy is the perfect title. Wonderfully done you!

    P.S. I agree with Audrey, your use of language in this is superb. :)))

    1. Late night ramblings, for the win! 🙂

      Thanks for stopping by. I’m going to be trying more of this type of stuff. Ideas and soliloquies not meant for books or stories. I’m glad this one was well received.

      E.

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