Ruminating On: Oprah vs. Fatberg

A long, long time ago in a blog-o-sphere far, far away, I used to post a picture everyday and ask you your thoughts on it. I called this segment “Daily Ruminations.” Needless to say, no one cared. So, I’m rebooting the idea. Here it goes.

I’m not into all the celebrity gossip, nor am I a newshound. I’d like to think of myself as a free-thinker capable of open-mindedness who’s willing to be wrong every now and then. I’d like to think I have a sense of humor. And obviously, because of those things, I think you (you fine bunch of eyeballs, you) should listen. I may be wrong. It wouldn’t be the first time. I will try to keep my views short and sweet. Since this is a trial run, I need your comments. Tell me what you like and what you don’t like, blah blah blah… and away we go!

1. Swedish sales clerk refuses to sell Oprah Winfrey a hand bag because he doesn’t believe she can afford it.

The flames on the torches outside of Paula Deen’s house are slowly dying away, so it’s time, once again, to remind everyone that racism is a thing. You’ve probably already heard about Oprah’s run-in with the Rush Limbaugh of purses, but what you might not have heard is that Switzerland (yes, the entire bleeding republic), has apologized for this guy. Think about that for a minute. This dude wasn’t a consulate. He wasn’t a damn dignitary. I don’t believe he was flying the Swiss flag and swimming in a pool of the world’s finest chocolate while insulting our beloved Harpo. But Switzerland still felt the need to apologize for him. Imagine if America did that; apologized for every nitwit who opened his mouth in this country. Johannes Rydberg couldn’t calculate those numbers, bub.

2. 15 ton mass of fat, wipes, and sanitary napkins found in London’s sewers.

London, you be nasty, yo. But, in all seriousness, why were people shocked at this? We have a land mass the size of Texas, which is made up of mostly plastics and other unwanted detritus, just floating around out there in the ocean, but people are making a big deal over an impacted sewage tunnel. Give me a break. I mean, the fact “Fatberg” (no joke, hand over heart, that’s what they’re calling it) is basically Tampax and lard is a wee bit unsettling, but not unexpected. People like convenience.  Ladies, I know how busy you are these days. I understand one of the female sex cannot be bothered to toss their lady products into a waste basket, that it’s much easier to flush them, especially for you busy London gals. I also know that some people can’t be bothered with draining the fat off their cooked meats into a disposable container. Just wash it down the drain with a little hot water; that’ll do the trick. I mean, if you did put it in something like a plastic bottle or whatnot, it would just end up in the ocean, right?

Daily Tip: An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain. Don’t be an ostrich. 

E.

ostrich

(Note: This blog is not professionally edited. You get it exactly how it comes out of my head.)

Advertisements

13 thoughts on “Ruminating On: Oprah vs. Fatberg

  1. 1. How can anyone on this planet not have seen Oprah Winfrey’s face at some point? I mean, isn’t she on some type of money by now? The whole country apologizing for one asshat is too stupid for me to comprehend. As is the fact that this generation should apologize for our fucktard ancestors who enslaved blacks or treated women like property. *I* had nothing to do with it. I do enough dumb shit on my own to apologize for, so I sure as hell am not apologizing for something I didn’t do.

    2. I have never, not once, in the 32 years I’ve been spurting blood from my hooha in the monthly purge, flushed my sanitary products down the toilet. I also do not ever dump grease down my drains for the simple fact that the hot water only goes so far and then you have clogged pipes to deal with. Like not eating enough fiber. Who needs that?

    As for the ostrich, I know a lot of people whose nostril is bigger than their brain. In fact, I think some people actually have a peanut for a brain, like in the cartoon x-rays.

  2. 1. Use your eyeballs folks and take a look at the bling someone is wearing before refusing to sell them a fancy purse. And I bet that Swiss bag seller is having to apologize to everyone who recognizes him for embarrassing an entire country. I hope his tongue falls off due to exhaustion.

    2. I am surprised that much fat made it to the deep sewers at about the same the time as I would expect it to cling to the homeland pipes, clogging it up as it’s sister fat clogs the arteries of the fat-dumping nitwits.

    It’s amazing how much a person can accomplish with an ostrich brain – especially when served scrambled with an ostrich egg for breakfast.

  3. I must be out of it. All of this was news to me.

    1.) Never happen in ‘Merica, the apologizing part. We’re like Bill Hickock, we never apologize for anything. Ever. Because we never do no wrong.

    2.) I do not understand why Fatberg is a surprise to anyone. It’s a sewer in a major city. Cthulu probably wouldn’t go down there.

    3.) Squawk!

    1. Thanks for dropping by, Ty! I must agree on all counts.

      I believe Cthulu wrote his congressman in 1981 concerning New York sewers. After that, he turned to simply devouring his detractors. Needless to say, that’s how shit escalates in Old Squid-Face’s hood. 😉

      E.

Comments are closed.