1. Messiah gets new name
Judges be crazy, son! So, somewhere in Tennessee (guess I could have done more research on the place, but I didn’t want to give them too much publicity) a child support judge ordered a seven month old baby’s name to be changed. What was the baby’s name, you ask? Messiah. No, he’s wasn’t the messiah. We aren’t talking about Tom Cruise here. We’re talking about a little boy named Messiah. Sigh… The honorable Lu Ann Ballew (whose name seems more suited for a porn star than a magistrate) changed the boy’s name from Messiah to Martin on the grounds that “messiah” was a sacred title. I have this to say. Just because you got stuck with a shitty name does not mean you can run around changing other people’s names based on your religious views. Luckily the mother is going to appeal. Good for her. Because, Lu Ann, you Ballew it.
2. NYPD to stop touching genitals for fun
There’s this thing in New York where a cop can stop you and pat you down because you look suspicious. How does one “look suspicious?” I haven’t the foggiest. I guess you could start by having a different color of skin than the groping officer. You could be wearing a turban or perhaps a really large backpack. I suppose you could even look as if you partake in drugs. GASP! What if you’re a youth with baggy pants? Run! Wait, don’t run. You’ll probably trip. On your pants. And they are the cops, after all. If you run, they’ll probably shoot you. A lot. With bullets. But no worries, folks, as a judge recently said that Officer Johnson’s Old Pat-N-Cup On Sight is unconstitutional. YAY! for the defeat of profiling. Or not. Seriously, this probably won’t amount to a hill of Columbia’s finest.
Daily Tip: Coffee is hot and suppositories are for rectal use only. Don’t be the type of person who needs this information.
(Note: This blog is not professionally edited. But your mother is.)