1. I saw the light, and it was shocking!
Tom Cruise be praised! Scientists have finally explained why you dying-type-peoples experience that blinding white light when you… well, when you die. You know that fabled light at the end of the tunnel, that mystical beckoning illumination which seems to draw you in, welcoming you unto the bosom of the Invisible Man? Neither do I. But what I do know is that the world is full of near-death-touting folks that love telling everybody about how they “saw the light.” What really happened to them was an experience more on par with a transformer going the way of the dodo. Some devilish researchers monitored rats as the rodents passed away. What the researchers found was a large electronic surge, much like what occurs during an electrical storm that wipes out your power grid. If you’ve ever seen someone actually die, you can attest to the deflating quality of their body as well. This is due to the electrical charge leaving the body, therein turning your muscles to flapjacks. Well, I’ll be monkey’s uncle. Or, at the very least, a distant cousin.
2. Fifteen year old heartache
This one isn’t funny. Not even remotely. In Atlanta, GA, home to such great things as peaches and the set piece to that city scene in the first season of the Walking Dead, there’s a fifteen-year-old dude that’s going to die because he forgot to take his medicine. The Cockknockers of Transplant Compliance in Atlanta (a very real organization, mind you) have decided to let Anthony Stokes die by way of heart cessation because they believe he’ll skip his meds and no-show followup exams. His parents say he’s being looked over because of his low grades and prior run-ins with law enforcement. Who’s telling the truth? I haven’t a clue. I do know that this is beyond sad. He’s… he’s just a kid. Google his story, inform yourself, and come back to talk to me. I won’t comment further. I want to know what you guys think.
Daily Tip: Bitches be crazy. Maybe if you stopped calling them bitches they wouldn’t act all crazy.
(Note: This blog is not professionally edited. And you should really see about that zit.)