Ruminating On: Murder for Munchies

1. It’s elementary, my dear Snuggles

Last time I reported on those good folks across the pond, it was because of a 15 ton mass of lard, wipes, and feminine hygiene products. Today, though, we’re talking about a ten pound bag of fur and DNA. 47 year old David Hilder, of Southsea, England, has been convicted of murdering his next door neighbor after some rather Sherlock-y scientists matched his cat’s DNA to hair left behind on the victim. Hilder chopped up his neighbor and secreted away the remains underneath a bicycle along a stretch of beach. It should be noted that the victim’s head, genitals, and various internal organs were never found. Lunch, anyone? Unfortunately for Hilder, Professor Moriarty he was not, because he forgot to run a lint roller over his handy work, in turn leaving hairs from his live-in feline around the scene of the crime. These Sherlock-y lab techs used the DNA collected to bring home the prosecution’s case, along with other, more relevant evidence, such as: blood from the victim found in Hilder’s home; which, for me at least, should have been the deciding factor of the case, not the cat fur… just sayin’.

David Hilder (left) and his victim, David Guy (right).


2. Official munchies

In Seattle, Washington, Hempfest is nothing new. The 22-year-old celebration of cannabis has been long overlooked by local authorities. But, now that Mary Jane has become a legal citizen of the Sparkling Vampire Capital of the World,  police are paying attention. And handing out Doritos. Affixed to the snacks is a label asking people to check out the force’s new online presence, “Marijwhatnow? A Guide to Legal Marijuana Use In Seattle.” The website goes over the need-to-know information that comes part-and-parcel with legal marijuana usage. So, lemme get this straight. Not only is weed legal in Seattle and all of Washington, but it has its own festival where the local PD pass out Doritos? At the risk of laziness and traffic-vest-orange fingers, I’m in. Where’s my mystery van? Scooby, tonight, we ride!


Daily Tip: According to two studies, colorectal cancer trigger may lie in mouth bacteria. Stop kissing ass; you might kill someone.  

mind blown(Note: This blog is not professionally edited. This is Sparta!)


6 thoughts on “Ruminating On: Murder for Munchies

  1. Sherri

    I read the story about Seattle PD handing out Doritos to participants at Hempfest on Drudge this morning. So correct me if I’m wrong, but 1,000 bags is not very many considering they are expecting 85,000 people each day. It’s a good thing they’ll be stoned, otherwise the fight would be on for those Doritos. lol Maybe if it keeps on raining, there will be fewer participants when it starts tomorrow and the SPD won’t have to worry about who gets the snacks.

    I’m a supporter of legalizing marijuana. It really shouldn’t be a Schedule 1 drug, in my opinion. Alcohol is far more dangerous, as are the opiates. Legalizing and taxing it keeps it out of the cartels’ hands and generates money for the state. With that said, I support people smoking/eating it in their homes; what I don’t support are the idiots who think it’s a good idea to drive a vehicle while on it. Off my soapbox now…

    Get in your mystery van and head up to Washington and see me, E. I’ll give you Doritos without going to Hempfest. 😉

  2. I had no idea I was in peril with all the people kissing my ass! From now on I will wear a double layer of Saran Wrap (or the cheaper Aldi equivalent) to protect myself before allowing the ass kissing to commence.

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