1. Georgia BAMF
Part of the problem with society these days is our selective attention span. Point in fact: Sandy Hook Elementary in comparison to Ronald E. McNair Discovery Learning Academy. You see, both elementary schools had a shooter armed with a semi-automatic rifle burst in with murderous intent. Sandy Hook suffered losses no parent or family should have to suffer. But, in the case of Ronald E. McNair Discovery Learning Academy, no one died. Now, before you fly off the rails and scream things like, “Of course Sandy Hook got more press. Children died!” let me say this. Sandy Hook was a terrible tragedy. It deserved every ounce of spotlight it received. But so does Ronald E. McNair Discovery Learning Academy, or, more accurately, a bookkeeper named Antoinette Tuff. Michael Brandon Hill walked into the lobby of McNair Discovery brandishing an semi-automatic rifle and 500 rounds of ammunition. Antoinette Tuff talked him down. There’s no way to tell how many lives she saved, but there are 800 children enrolled in her school, not counting how many faculty she might have saved. If anything, this news story deserves the same amount of coverage as any one of the recent school shooting where people have died. You know what? Maybe if we glorified people like Antoinette, and not the shooters, fewer of these tragedies would occur. It’s a thought, at least. Antoinette Tuff, you’re an amazing individual. Thank you for a BAMF.
2. Flippity-floppity Pope
On February 11th, 2013, Pope Benedict quit the papacy. Catholics the world over were all like, “WTF?” what with him being the first Pope to do so in 600 years. Benedict’s lack of work ethic was explain away using his failing health as a reason for his resignation. Now, the story has changed. Emperor Palpatine’s stage double admits it was God who told him to retire. Not that he saw God or anything, but he had a “mystical experience.” Good on him. What I want to know is why he didn’t use this excuse when he first left his duties. “God said so” would have been a much better story for an all Catholic audience than, “I don’t feel so well.” If you ask me (and I could be wrong, it’s happened before) Catholics all around the world want to know why he’s still kicking around like a wind-up Nazi, so the 86 year old Pope Emeritus had to change his story. “You see, Hoss, it weren’t the sick that got me. It were the Lord!”
Daily Tip: Sleep burns more calories than watching TV. Get your lazy ass off the couch and go to bed.