Ruminating On: Loss

A line was drawn in the sand today between friends. Everyone was split over their own beliefs. Everyone thought they were right, and in a way, they were. Yet neither side seemed to understand the other’s point. Should there be an apology? Yes. Should other details be ignored? No. Because of all this, there was loss. Loss of friendship, loss of temper, loss of respect. Loss, loss, losslossloss. But somebody won in the end. Because eyes are watching and mouths are smiling.

I’m being as obtuse as possible because name dropping is not required. Not one of us handled the situation properly, and for that I have a heavy heart, have had a heavy heart since the entire thing began. But I made a decision a few minutes ago. I no longer care about how I am perceived as an author. It’s just another label, a label that does not define, completely, who I am. I was a reader long before I wrote my first story, and I will still read long after I can no longer lift a pen or type on a keyboard. I will continue to review as I always have, and maintain an honest, discerning eye.

At the end of the day, none of this matters. Those that care will continue to care, and those that don’t won’t. It’s as simple as that. I’m the happy father of two beauty children and husband to a wonderful woman. These things are important, and that is all. If I lose friends and acquaintances online, so be it, because I know that, at anytime, I can walk away from this goddamn computer and enjoy even more time with my family. So, in all actuality, nothing has changed. To those that suffered a loss or several today, I hate that that happened to you. To those I argued with today, I hate that we fought. Shit happens. To everyone else, I hope you remain blissfully unaware of the shit-flinging contest that ensued, because all of us acted like a bunch of monkeys on display at your local zoo.

Oh, and to the people who threatened me today with a certain label, eat my ass, please and thank you. I say this not as an author, but as an opinionated motherfucker, just like you. See, you’re not the only ones who can throw expletives around. Shame on all of us, witch hunt or no witch hunt. And fuck me for stooping to your level.


3 thoughts on “Ruminating On: Loss

  1. tyjohnston

    I’ve watched all this from the sidelines over the last few days. Edward, you were standing up for what you believe in, and that can be commended, whatever you feel about your own actions and words, and it seems you have some remorse. However, others were standing up for what they believe in, as well.

    All of this only continues to point out to me that despite the fact all our modern communications technology is supposed to bring us all together, it actually does quite the opposite. The Internet is an imperfect communication tool, whatever hardware is used to access it.

    My own opinions on the matter of anonymous reviews are beside the point, but I will say this: Those who create websites and lists of reviewers and authors, etc., they can sit back and feel warm in all their self righteousness, but the truth of the matter is they have become the very bullies they deride. They can call me another bad author or whatever the nasty title-of-the-week happens to be, but I’ve not been playing their game and have no intentions to (other than maybe this posting). They are bullies, and I proclaim that as objective fact. If they had good intentions in the beginning, there were better ways they could have gone about doing things than the way they have been handled.

    But in reality, I could really give a shit, and am only writing this to give myself something to do at 6 in the morning. I have a dying wife in the other room with hospice on their way later today. I’m going to be a widow in my 40s and have to live the rest of my life without the love of my life, though I’m thankful for the time we’ve had. Put that in perspective.

    Because none of this petty bullshit means a damn thing.

  2. pepkay

    Proud of you E for putting your family at the top.
    We all slip, nevermind.
    Carry on doing what you love.
    I’m a Motherfucker in some ways too, but kind.
    As are you. X

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