The Passage Review


The Passage - Justin Cronin

Reading this book was like an awkward and awesome sexual experience broadcast publicly to all my followers.

We started with a little foreplay, some touching, and it got good. So good that I prematurely ejaculated all over my own face. What can I say, I got that firepower, yo! I then had to run to the bathroom and wash up. Because who wants their own semen on their face? Unless you’re into that, then you do you and fuck the haters. All the while, my lover is lying in bed, bored, playing with themselves. I’m taking sooooooo long to come back because I’ve emptied the tank, so you know I gotta pee. I’m pissing hard and my lover is still waiting, the sound of my stream splashing in the bowl isn’t attractive and all the lust is dying. My lover is thinking about rolling over and going to sleep. So are the people watching at home. They’re saying:

“When’s he gonna get back to business?”

“What a cockknocker, blowing his load all early and shit. AND THEN making them wait!”

“His lover should totally warn everyone about his premature ejaculation, so no one else has to go through that.”

Finally, I swim through the derision and step back into the bedroom and jump in bed and commence to fuck the brains out of my lover. I’m beating it up. They won’t be able to walk for a goddamn week, and when they do recover, they’re gonna be permanently bow-legged. There’s screaming, there’s fun, there’s loads of action, and I last for a really long time. Like fucking forever. You know, because I came once before, so you know round two is gonna last about as long as Titanic‘s run time. In fact, the boat’s gonna go down before my dick does.

Then, when we’re both fighting for breath and our hearts are racing and I’m seeing stars because I’m fat and out of shape but that doesn’t matter because I’m doing work, son! I fucking bust a nut like goddamn Superman and we all find out whether or not Lois Lane has a adamantium vagina.

Whew. That was good. So we cuddle. We cuddle for like four fucking hours and my arm’s asleep and you’re asleep and you’re facing me and your breath smells like ass because you’re dehydrated and the only fluids left in your body once belonged to me. But I don’t care about any of that. We had fun. Yeah, a bunch of people saw me come early, but then I came back and rocked your shit. You’re welcome.

In summation: This book is all of that. Enough said.

Final Judgment: Premature ejaculation followed by the fuck of your life.

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