My Semi-Fictional Life #16 (The Argument for Moon Worship)

Hello, you hella-hot holy hecklers. I’m an atheist. I don’t believe in gods or follow any religions. There is a reason for everything, and godly magic is never the reason. But some of the things in this world and in our universe seem like magic when they are clearly not. Some of these things are what some people believe to be superstitious nonsense about the moon. So here’s five arguments for why worshiping the moon makes more sense than other any religion.

  1. The moon isn’t asking for your hard earned money. Tithe and sacrifice and burn candles all you want. The moon gives not a fuck for material shit. It’s going to be there until it’s not and there’s nothing you can do about it. The moon doesn’t need 10-15% of your income.
  2. The moon is not a fairy tale. It is real. Meaning, it exists. You can see it. Human beings have landed on it. We’ve even brought back pieces of it. You don’t need faith to believe in it. It’s right there, fuck-all big and bright in the night sky. Unless it’s cloudy. Fuck clouds.
  3. The moon affects us in real ways. Oceanic tides and our own body chemistry can become all fucked up due to the moon’s gravitational pull. After all, kids, you’re 60-75% water.
  4. It’s better than sun worship because you can actually look at the moon for prolonged periods of time and it won’t burn your eyes or give you skin cancer.
  5.  And finally, the best reason for worshiping the moon is multitasking. If you’re looking into worshiping volcanoes for the reasons stated above, you can rest assured that the moon has plenty of shield volcanoes and volcanic domes. So, there. Two birds. One stone.

Honorable mentions:

*The moon doesn’t care if you cuss, whore, drink, are LGBTQ, or take birth control. The moon isn’t going to ask you to dress or eat a certain way. The moon’s craters look kinda like a face, so you can feel like you’re talking to someone, you know, if you wanna pray to it, and praying to it will garner you the same results as praying to any other celestial body/god.*

I do not worship the moon or anything else for that matter. This blog post has not been sponsored by NASA. I’m simply tired of seeing religious persons calling science “superstitious nonsense”. If anything, worshiping the moon is a far more realistic option than literally ANY of the gods throughout history.

See you tomorrow,


Pic of the Day



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