My Semi-Fictional Life #27 (News and a Review)

Hello, you sexy beastial beasts. Today I have a review of Chuck Palahniuk’s Doomed. But first, a little news.

I will be participating in NaNoWriMo this year. I said last year that the only way I would do it would be if I had an idea for a book in October. Meaning, I wasn’t going to force anything. I tried forcing it last year and, while I did finish my short story collection, WORD, I did not hit 50k words. It was the first year since I began participating that I did not finish.

Well, I had an idea for a book about a group of strangers stuck on a platform one mile above a major city. I think it’s going to be a scifi/horror mashup, but we’ll see. I have the situation, the beginning, and the end mapped out, now all I have to do is fill in the blanks.

If you are planning to participate in NaNoWriMo, I’m offering free covers made with public-domain images to everyone who plays this year. If you’re interested, comment below with your ideas for your cover, the book’s title, and your byline. Please try and keep it simple. Like I said on Facebook last night:

“The chances of me finding a barrel-chested man flying a kite in Berlin as the wall is coming down and Ronald Reagan fist-fighting Ronald McDonald in the background is highly unlikely. That would be epic, but hard to find.”

Even if you’re not a writer, watch this space in November, as I will be posting teasers from my progress on the book, probably weekly. I’ll try and do daily, but I don’t want to give away too many details. This one’s going to be good.

On to the review…

Doomed Review

After seeing The Right Honorable Lady Kells take a hot squat on this one, I became nervous. You see, my boy Chuck’s Doomed has been sitting on my shelf, giving me that come hither stare for a while now. It’s all, “Lay hands on me, big boy” and I’m all, “Nah, son, you got semen on you.” Just look at that cover. If you’re a dude, that’s either your worst nightmare or your biggest fantasy, you know, depending on the recipient. But the cover fits the book, and I’m a fan of them: both the cover and the book.

Is Doomed as good as Damned? Fuck no. Not even close. But it did entertain me, unlike Vibrator Armaggedon. Jaysus Pickleberry Christ, that book sucked. This one didn’t. Sorry, Kells. We just gon’ hafta disagree herr.

Why didn’t it suck? Well, I probably liked this more because I’m a dude. Not gonna lie, there’s a fuckload of dick and fart jokes. If I didn’t know any better, I would’ve thought this was a novelization of a Kevin Smith movie. The fate of Maddy’s Papadaddy Ben (that name still cracks me up) is one of the funniest scenes I’ve ever read. To quote Vapid Internet Users: “Best. Thang. EVAR!” In fact, I laughed a lot while reading this one. It’s sillier than a ballerina with an erection, but the silly doesn’t overstay its welcome as it did in Beautiful You.

I think the thing that raised this piece from a three to a four for me was the twist. I’m not spoiling anything for anyone, but that shit was so well set up. I didn’t see it coming. Not that it had any major effect on the story overall, but it was nice to see Chuck surprise me again. Last time he managed that was with Rant, and that was how many books ago? Five? Six? Fuck, I don’t know.

What’s not to like about a book where one of the antagonists is a balloon-animal-person made out of a used condom? One of those ideas that I wish I’d thought of. Bravissimo!

I also really enjoyed all the commentary on religion. If you’re a fan of god(s) or religion in general, ya might wanna skip this one.

In summation: This book was fun. It’s dumb and immature and fulla gross-out humor, but it also has heart, all the heart that was missing in Chuck’s absolutely soulless and unforgivable Beautiful You. Unlike Kells, I was excited to the “The End?” at the end of the book. I hope he eventually wraps up this loose nod to Dante. Looking forward to what he does with Paradiso.

Final Judgment: A living condom.

See you tomorrow,


Pic of the Day


Secret Freebie Links…

Cruelty: Episode One

The Scare Rows (or Something Wicked Comes on Your Face)


9 thoughts on “My Semi-Fictional Life #27 (News and a Review)

      1. Yay!

        As for the cover thing… the story I’ll be working on is called IN SEARCH OF GOD’S COUNTRY, and takes place (mostly) in a small fictional town in Alabama. It’s the spiritual and sexual coming of age of a boy named Cole Johnson. The story will follow him through the Bush and Obama administrations — from childhood to college and beyond. It’s a story about what it was like to grow up in the shadow of the Iraq war, Great Recession, et cetera. Obviously, it’s very personal to me. I’ve written about this kid three times before, but he won’t leave my mind. I figured it was time to tell his whole story.

        I haven’t given much thought to a cover, though some rustic and idyllic would be ideal. Certainly looking for something simple, as it’s a story about simple people living in a simple town. Anything *at all* would be appreciated, if you have any ideas.

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