My Semi-Fictional Life #33 (Cookies)

Hello, my obviously-amazing daily readers. Today I want to talk about cookies and my desire to eat them even when I know I shouldn’t.

Although yesterday’s blog was only partial truth (remember, folks, this blog is called My Semi-Fictional Life for a reason), I have indeed been diagnosed as pre-diabetic. My doctor believes that the most recent blood work she ordered will come back saying, by this point, I have full-blown diabetes, but I hold out hope that I will score a D- and at least pass the test and move on to the next grade.

After all, I can barely remember to take my pain medicine when I’m in pain. How am I to be trusted with a routine of Metformin or goddamn insulin, praise Tom Cruise and amen.

So, to celebrate my recent Maybe-Diabetes Dilemma, my son Chris and I spent last night baking chocolate chip cookies because reasons. Even now, as I type this, I’m nomming on a cookie. I know, I know, bad E.! But that’s how my brain works. You tell me I can’t have something and that thing is ALL I WANT!

See, now I’ve got crumbs all down my shirt and shit because I’m hollering with my mouth full. Bad. BAD, I SAY!

*cracks open a can of Coca-Cola and washes down his sadness*

Even being pre-diabetic, I managed to write 2,012 words today. How about that. Congratulations, me, for not curling up into a ball and crying myself into a coma.

*high fives self*

Writing 2,012 words got me thinking about 2012 and how awesome that year was. I wasn’t pre-diabetic in 2012, and it was the year my son was born. Bay’s End had just released and everyone was either loving it or trying to convince me that pre-teen boys don’t really cuss or have erections, and that, no matter what, foul language will always be more offensive than child abuse. Or, you know, whatever. All in all, 2012 was a pretty damn fine year.

What’s that you say? You want an excerpt from today’s writing? Sure. Here you go:

“I know Wally,” Karen said. “He’s an asshole.”

That’s all you get. Literally everything else from today’s writing is a goddamn spoiler. I know, right? The author IS an asshole for giving you so little.

*grabs another cookie and stuffs it into his mouth*

ee oo oo-are-oh


Pic of the Day

How does diabetes fuck you? 

With a penis-shaped pancreas like this one…



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