My Semi-Fictional Life #133 (Love is in the Air)

Hello peeps. I went to a wedding today. My nephew got hitched to his baby momma and all was right in the world. He wore a camouflage tie and she had a pink camo corset thingy on the back of her dress. It was very country. All the rednecks attended. But they’re young and in love and who am I to shit on their culture, or whatever it is you want to call this unbranching tree that is the American southeast.

The church wouldn’t let my nephew and his baby momma get married in the sanctuary because they’d been living in sin, but they had a lovely reception in the fellowship hall.

Religion, dude, you can’t make this shit up… wait, yes you can. Never mind.

We drank the funkiest punch I’ve ever smelled or tasted. Seriously, someone didn’t want to be rude and ended up allowing someone who obviously can’t taste or smell make that punch because holy fuck it was disgusting. Who would’ve thought that pineapple juice, lime sherbet, and goddamn Sprite would be nasty? *raises hand* Even my kids hated it and they’ll drink anything with the title “punch”.

I had water because there wasn’t anything diet. I’m telling you, if this marriage was anymore thrown together, there would have been a shotgun involved. Well, there kinda was. The church and their relatives have been harping on these two to get married since the baby came into the picture. Not entirely sure these two even like each other all that much, but fuck it, they’re married now, so they’re good in the eyes of their invisible man.

All in all, it was okay. I met some racists who gave the side-eye to my family, and then caught up with this one hillbilly who helped my nephew deliver our dining room table, at which time he decided to lecture me on the difference between “black people” and “n-words” but he didn’t exactly say “n-words” if you’re following along at home. When he saw me, ol’ dude said, “Don’t remember me, do ya?” I said, “Sure I do,” and shook his hand, because I’m a kill-em-with-kindness type of dude.

Who the hell am I kidding? I was uncomfortable as all fuck. So were my wife and kids. But I got to see this boy I helped raise follow through on his choice not to wear a condom, so YEEHAW!

See you tomorrow,

E.

Pic of the Day

Doesn’t everyone look fucking THRILLED?!?!?!

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