10 Rules for Falling

As anyone new to falling will tell you, falling isn’t hard, which is why I’ve written ten easy steps to make your falls even better. I recently fell and find myself positively bursting with hot takes. Here’s the spiciest. The internet should be verklempt for days!

1. The ground is your friend. Not “just some grass”. Get to know it. Love your landing pad.

2. Falling isn’t a personal adventure into the frightening or the unknown. It’s falling. Quit romanticizing busting your ass.

3. Never use the word “fall” when falling. You never “fall”. You only “have fallen” or you have “landed”, you plebian nerd.

4. When you fall, it’s always in first person. Duh.

5. With so much research on falling you would think that no one would ever fall. Be the change you want to see in the world. Fall anyway.

6. Never write an autobiography about falling. No one wants to read that shit. Instead, record your fall and give a TEDTalk entitled “My Descent and What It Taught Me”. Thanks for coming to my TEDTalk.

7. “If you sit still you’ll never fall.” ~Confucius, or some other motherfucker.

8. If you were inside on the internet you never would have fallen in the first place so nana nana boo boo stick your head in doo doo.

9. Interesting falls are ALWAYS INTERESTING WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT FELICIA???

10. You have to fall before you can say you have fallen

So there you have it. Truer words and all that shit. Stay falling my friends.

E.

Cited sources: https://lithub.com/jonathan-franzens-10-rules-for-novelists/

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