I’ve Lost a Small Child

I’ve been saving today’s post for the past two weeks because, honestly, it’s seemed too good to be true. But now that it’s been verified on several accounts, let’s discuss how I lost a small child…

I am currently 324 lbs (147kg), down from 387lbs (176kg), which is what I weighed at my doctor’s appointment in January. When exactly I lost all of this weight, I have no idea. I spent all of January, February, and March in bed, eating almost nonstop. I was packing in about 5,000 calories a day: fried chicken, two to three sandwiches at a time, chips, ramen (two packets at a time), and so much more. I was killing myself with food and telling myself I was happy. The cost of my food alone was $400 a month. I ate like that all the way up until April 21, when I started my bone broth fast. The bone broth fast lasted only two days, mainly because the broth was nasty tasting, and over those two days I had a total of only 12 ounces of broth. Then from April 23rd until May 11 all I had was water, apple cider vinegar, and vitamin supplements. I did have a cheat day right in the middle of that time, during which I had a double bacon cheeseburger, a large fry, and an Oreo peanut butter and bacon milkshake from Five Guys. That meal was about 1,600 calories.

To recap, that’s 1,600 calories, total, between April 23 and May 11. Three weeks with only one meal. When I saw my doctor on April 29, I weighed in at 330lbs (150kg).

I have not weighed myself since May 9. On the 9th, I weighed 324lbs on my personal scale, down another 6lbs since my appointment on April 29. I posted my proof to Instagram, which I’ll link to HERE. On Saturday, I had lemon-pepper chicken (breast meat only), asparagus, and carrots, all roasted, and yesterday I had chicken tenders and mac and cheese. Regular-human sized portions of all.

Even without eating, I’ve had an insane amount of energy. I’ve been walking (with and without my walker, as my leg allows), riding my recumbent bike, and strength training my arms (five and ten pounds weights; I’ll link to the routine I use HERE). I’ve gotten to the point that I need to do some kind of exercise every day or else I feel jittery and anxious. I, one of the laziest people on the planet, seem to now be addicted to activity. Trust me, I’m just as surprised as you.

Speaking of my leg allowing, I haven’t had a fall in a few weeks, and I seem to be relying on the walker less and less. Supposedly, apple cider vinegar helps with neuropathy. I don’t know how true that is, but my leg seems to be more dependable. Perhaps it’s all in my head, but I know it’s holding me up longer than it used to. I can only hope that the trend continues.

My body is changing in crazy ways, too, as one might expect from such weight loss. I’m losing the majority of my weight in my chest, arms, and legs right now. My belly is getting looser, too, but that’s where the bulk of my weight is, so it’ll be a while before I see big results there. I don’t really see much difference in my face, but people online are saying I’m thinning out. Then again, I see myself in the mirror every day, so is it any wonder that I’m the last one to notice?

Because I’ve done so well on my water fast, I’m returning to it today. Health-wise, I should be fine until I hit around 250lbs (114kg), or so my nutritionist calculates. Under that weight I run the risk of damaging my organs. Right now, my body is eating the fat I’ve stored up over the past 30 years, but if it starts eating muscle I’ll be in trouble. I’m being closely monitored, so when that starts happening, I’ll return to a regular diet.

I will say, I can no longer eat like I used to. I barely finished my meal at Five Guys (it wasn’t that great tasting either, if I’m honest), and eating this weekend left me stuffed until I visited the bathroom. This morning, I have no appetite.

Now for the part everyone’s been asking me for. My routine the past three weeks has been as follows:

I get up in the morning around 4am and have a Centrum Men’s One-a-Day multivitamin, 16 ounces of black coffee, and a shot of apple cider vinegar with a 20oz bottle of water as a chaser. After that, as per usual, I go out to the office and write until my butt hurts. Once I’m done writing, I’ll go for my walk, or do my strength training routine. Afterward, I have my electrolyte supplement and a bottle of water. Then I’ll shower and lay down to read. Twice a day, I take 500mg potassium with a 20 ounce bottle of water. (My after-workout electrolyte supplement also has potassium, as does my multivitamin.) At about 4pm, I cook dinner for the fam. We all sit together during dinner because it’s one of the only times throughout the day we get to spend together without interruption. I have another bottle of water while they eat, then I lay down to read until bedtime. All throughout the day, I fuck around on social media. And that’s it.

I know all that might sound sad and boring, but it really isn’t. It’s a rather pleasant routine. I’m enjoying it, anyway.

So there’s the update I promised. I’ll do weekly weigh-ins, but I don’t think I’ll be doing the video logs like I promised. Too much editing work I don’t have time for, and I don’t think I want my channel to become a weightloss vlog. A few people have already called me an inspiration, and that makes me really fuckin uncomfortable. Everyone’s body’s different, and if this routine is done by the wrong person, it can be lethal, so please don’t do what I’m doing without your doctor’s blessing and supervision. If someone got sick and/or died because I “inspired” them, I…well, I have no idea what I’d do. It would likely destroy me, so please, please, please, don’t try this at home.

In reading news, I finished Star, by Yukio Mishima, and The Mask, by Dean Koontz (reread with my good friend Delee), and hated both. I’m currently reading and loving Those Across the River, by Christopher Buehlman, So You’ve Been Publicly Shamed, by Jon Ronson, and ‘Salem’s Lot, by Stephen King (audiobook reread with Sylvanus [aka Isaak from chat]). Once I’m done with ‘Salem’s Lot, I’ll be starting my reread of Black House, by King and Straub, with my friend Angela, if she can finish The Talisman in time, that is.

Let me know what y’all are reading down there in the doobly-doo. I love hearing from you, even if I don’t always respond. If I don’t respond, please believe it’s because I either have nothing to add, or I was busy. Never think I’m ignoring you.

Take care of each other, and I’ll see y’all next Monday, unless you’re a YouTube subscriber, then I’ll see you tomorrow.



4 thoughts on “I’ve Lost a Small Child

  1. waynefenlon

    So stoked to hear this is all working for you, E.
    Keep going, dude.
    Just don’t do too much of them weights and end up like that blimmin photograph… Chelle won’t be pleased.

  2. Valerie Smith

    I am so happy for you ! Apple cider vinegar is amazing for your health. I am happy that you have found a routine you like and I am sure your family is happy to spend time with you. I went to GA to see my nephew graduate from UGA. So I also got to spend some time with my family. I am looking for something to read but nothing has been catching my interest. My depression is letting up some for now so things are good for now

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